A Jeep, A Beard, and An Idea

One of the big issues (that I'm willing to discuss on here) this year for me was my car accident. I was driving to work on Valentines Day during a blizzard when Mother Nature, the dried up old bag that she is, decided to give me my present.  With the unwavering help of one of the competent state workers, she dumped about 100 pounds of slush off an overpass onto the parkway in which I was traveling, on a turn, 20 feet in front of me, with a car passing me on the left.  The lack of friction on the road allowed my tiny little Civic to fulfill its life long dream of being in Circ de Sole (spelling?) despite my best efforts for it not to.  Using the slush as a launching pad I was sent flying into the median then back across the parkway as my car attempted to do a cartwheel in mid air.  Thankfully the exit sign caught my trunk and stopped me from flipping off the highway into the woods; instead it threw the car back down into the road on its front end before tilting back and landing on its wheels, finally coming to its graceful stop facing oncoming traffic in a two lane parkway.  After a few minutes of fielding questions from my audience of teary eyed witnesses who thought I was going to die in front of them, I scooped up the biggest pieces of my car, threw them in my trunk (which was conveniently thrown open for me) and actually managed to get my car off the parkway and two more blocks to work before it died on me.  Yes, I was two blocks away on a 40 minute commute.

Long story short I got it fixed but the insurance screwed me and even though they said "she was good as new" I think "she drives like she's got Parkinson's Disease" was more accurate.  But perfect excuse to get a new car.  In comes my new Jeep Cherokee.  I love this car like I had birthed it myself.  It's my first new car and although I'm paying out the ass for it, it's gonna get me through any more bullshit Mother Nature has up her sleeve, and more importantly it's gonna get me to Colorado.

The title of this post is a little misleading, and for this I apologize.  It leads you, the reader, and if you are seeing impaired or illiterate than you, the listener, to believe that there were in fact three main points to this post; being a beard, Jeep, and an idea.  Well the fact is there is only two, and aside from my Jeep story the other part is that I had an idea to grow a beard hence the two being one in the same.  Now that that has been cleared up, I got this idea because about a month ago because I was feeling particularly crappy about a situation and had a case of the fuck-its when shaving came up   Also about one third of my face missed the puberty memo so a five o'clock shadow takes about a four days to form and has more gaps than a hillbilly's smile.  But when the fuck-its are involved, you aren't really thinking that you look like a homeless man-child, and when anyone asked me I just responded with "I'm trying to grow a beard."  Truth is I was trying just to not do much of anything.

One thing lead to another and when I finally felt like the itching was too much, even for the fuck-its, I went to shave and actually looked in the mirror for more than two seconds.  To my amazement my facial hair was getting long enough that it actually covered my patches and I went from looking like a homeless man-child to just a run of the mill homeless man!  I was quite impressed with my faces ability to overcome its own shortcomings by sheer will; it was like each individual hair knew what direction to grow in in order get some real teamwork going on.  YAY TEAM!  So my shave session turned into a trim session where I got rid of all those rebel hairs that were too cool to get with the program.  It was something I had never done before, I felt very manly and I wanted to make sure you all knew about it; and now you do.

Thus the idea to continue to grow my beard was born and I know you're all glad you read this and are rooting for me to grow the best beard in the goddamn world, and I will.  If all the things I learned from somewhere are correct then manly things will help my beard be even better, and what better way to man it up then by going on a road trip with a tent and no plans other than to not die.  By the time I get back I might be donating beard hair to cloth orphans in Brazil.  Damn I'm pumped for this shit.  OK that's it for now, I'm gonna go eat a rare steak and and hold open a door for some ladies BECAUSE REAL MEN KNOW CHIVALRY AND SHIT.  I can feel my face tingling already, chivalry is like miracle grow for beards.  You hear that fellas?