Soooooooo I'm pissed. My brand new 2014 Jeep Cherokee is in the shop....again. After almost killing me last night as I drove home on the highway by having the power steering start to fail and every light on the fucking dashboard light up like the Fourth of July, except the only explosion was the stream of profanities that flew from my face. I think I gave the driver of the car in front of me PTSD.
Anyway, after getting my BRAND NEW 2014 JEEP CHEROKEE into the shop A-FUCKING-GAIN I needed to worry about transportation since the dealer didn't have a loaner car, because why would a place that sells and fixes cars have an extra one or two laying around; this isn't Logic Land where everything makes sense and everyone's NOT an asshole. However, in their defense it may be because Jeep has been pumping out so many fucking lemons lately that they simply have all their cars out on the road. For example my sister got a BRAND NEW 2015 JEEP CHEROKEE and already had her transmission replaced.
Don't get me wrong, I have a love for all things Jeep (except that ugly ass Compass...eeww) but come the fuck on with this shit. It's a new vehicle, they're involved with Porsche now (look it up) and part of a huge auto club of big names (Chrysler and Dodge, heard of em?) as well as produced off road vehicles for the military. Now when it comes to a car that's supposed to get my ass from point A to point B they can't cope with the trials and tribulations of not getting me killed because the electrical system decided to shit the bed on me? It's bad enough I drive like Jeff Gordon with diarrhea cramps on the way home from anywhere but now I gotta worry about my car deciding to have a hissy fit now? Jeep...I'm not mad. I'm disappointed. Go to bed without supper. And get your shit together.
Now to the title of this post. Since I am without a vehicle, my work has bestowed upon me the honor of using the mini van as my own until my Jeep is off suicide watch. So in order to honor my mini van, and relieve some aggression from my BRAND NEW BROKEN JEEP I'm gonna tell you all how amazing it is.
First off its amazing because its reliable. Its got 120,000 miles on it and I don't think the power steering tried to kill anyone in a single one of those miles. It can go 0-60 in 12.5 seconds and gets 20 miles to the gallon. Cougars love me as it is, but just thinking of all the soccer mom-age that can be going on in that van that could never go on in my Jeep. Hey ladies in your mom jeans, wanna live on the edge, let me turn off the passenger air bag and drive in the passing lane for a bit; speed limit, we passed that 10 MPH ago baby. Ooooohhhh yeah. When you get all hot and bothered we'll have plenty of room to "stretch" since the seats have been removed for optimal tool and material storage. And, oh, don't worry there's already plenty of stains on the rug, so no one will notice a few more...Before I turn this into a creepy craigslist personal ad I'll stop.
But for real, what the fuck. Get your shit together Jeep or I'm gonna go buy something Japanese and drive it until the wheels fall off, which I've heard almost never happens.
